Love is such a wonderful thing and can look so different from one use to another. There is the love that Mae and I have for each other- the kind of love that shows itself through selfless sacrifice. This is love that is shown when she sits by my side as I am receiving treatment or having a painful test done. Then there is the love I have for my Life. Just being able to see him after a long 12 hour shift before I lay down fill my heart with joy.
Over the past two and a half years I have been able to receive love from many people Even in the past few weeks I have experienced love from friends and family and even strangers. People I don't even know have let me know they are praying for me. Those who I barely know have sent dinner. Friends have cut grass for me when I have been too sore to do it myself. Family has stepped up as Mae and I haven't been at our best. And many have told me to let them know what they can do for me.
To all of you who have shown love to my growing family and I, I would like to say thank you!
There is another love I have experienced- the love of the Father. My God, the one true god, the one who created the world and everything in as well as the whole universe, also created me. My creator, my God, my Father created me and you and wants to share his love with us- His children.
Here is the problem- because of our disobedience we separated ourselves from Him. Since there was nothing we could do about this, God came to earth and paid the debt of our disobedience through Christ Jesus. And because of this we can all experience the love of our Father.
Love is a beautiful thing and I thank God for sharing His love with us so we can share it with each other.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
A lot has happened
So let me start with sharing this... In the midst of cancer and uncertainty with my health, God once again showed Meagan and I that He is in control and He still brings new life in the midst of it all. Meagan is pregnant with our second child! Our hearts are full of joy!
Here is an update of the last couple weeks. I had my second bone marrow biopsy and thankfully it went much better than the first, the pain was pretty much gone the next day. However, the results showed some blast (cancer) cells in the marrow. Along with that, my blood counts have been changing enough that my doctor put me on another treatment. So last week I started taking a new chemo daily.
So each of the treatments I have tried have had their own unique side effects. This one has given me the joy of aches and pains all over, fevers and chills, and a drop of platelets. But it has also brought down the blasts and the white count (which is a good thing). I had a checkup today and had to have a platelet transfusion.
Moving on from here I will be visiting Quest Diagnostics each week as well as a riding to Hopkins. Even though my care team, as well as the rest of the staff at Hopkins, is great (they all care and go the extra mile with everyone they help) I just don't like spending the day up there. If I do have to spend a few hours at a hospital though, Hopkins isn't that bad.
So as Meagan and I look at planning for the future, there are many questions and things to consider. My doctor said it would be smart for me not to continue working full time right now. (That in itself brings up a lot to consider) Then we have a new baby to plan and prepare for.
Even though we have a lot going on, and things are uncertain with my health and job and money, we still have a gift from God, our son Life, who is a reminder to us that God still speaks and creates life in the midst of death.
The other night we were eating out and at a table near us was a family with small kids including a small baby. As Life was looking, or rather staring, I asked him, "Who else is getting a little baby?" He replied, "Life." We are so excited, as a family, for what God is doing in our family.
Here is an update of the last couple weeks. I had my second bone marrow biopsy and thankfully it went much better than the first, the pain was pretty much gone the next day. However, the results showed some blast (cancer) cells in the marrow. Along with that, my blood counts have been changing enough that my doctor put me on another treatment. So last week I started taking a new chemo daily.
So each of the treatments I have tried have had their own unique side effects. This one has given me the joy of aches and pains all over, fevers and chills, and a drop of platelets. But it has also brought down the blasts and the white count (which is a good thing). I had a checkup today and had to have a platelet transfusion.
Moving on from here I will be visiting Quest Diagnostics each week as well as a riding to Hopkins. Even though my care team, as well as the rest of the staff at Hopkins, is great (they all care and go the extra mile with everyone they help) I just don't like spending the day up there. If I do have to spend a few hours at a hospital though, Hopkins isn't that bad.
So as Meagan and I look at planning for the future, there are many questions and things to consider. My doctor said it would be smart for me not to continue working full time right now. (That in itself brings up a lot to consider) Then we have a new baby to plan and prepare for.
Even though we have a lot going on, and things are uncertain with my health and job and money, we still have a gift from God, our son Life, who is a reminder to us that God still speaks and creates life in the midst of death.
The other night we were eating out and at a table near us was a family with small kids including a small baby. As Life was looking, or rather staring, I asked him, "Who else is getting a little baby?" He replied, "Life." We are so excited, as a family, for what God is doing in our family.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Good news bad news
News can be awesome to the point of celebration (or in my case a statement saying "that's awesome" in a tone a degree more excited than my usual tone... My friends know what I am talking about) or it can be news that makes your heart sink. It may cause tears of joy or tears or sorrow or fear.
Yesterday when I woke up from my sleep a little after 3 pm (give me a break, I work night shift) I had received an email from my nurse practitioner at Hopkins saying my doctor wants me there for another bone marrow biopsy Friday (tomorrow) because my platelets have fallen again, as well as my red blood count, while my white count has risen. *that isn't a great sign for somebody with chronic meyloid leukemia*
So as I thought back to a month ago when I had my first bone marrow biopsy and even over the last two and a half years of fighting this joker, emotions began to rise, tears started to fall.
It's annoying. I don't know why I have to be such a "unique case" (although I have always seemed to be different than those around me) but I hope that God is able to use me and my story to help some people find hope and life through whatever they are dealing with. I am waiting for healing in a way that the only explanation can be "God did it."
As I am trying to fall asleep (unsuccessfully) I am reminded of Paul in the New Testament: here is a guy who after encountering Jesus left behind his entire life's work in Judaism to follow the Savior. His entire life changed. He was suddenly different from what he used to be and different from his old friends. Through this shift and change, God used Paul to spread the Good News of Salvation to the world, and more specifically to those who had been told before that there was no way to be made right with God. He was able to share Life (salvation, Jesus) with many through his "unique case." He left his life's work to follow after the very thing he was so desperately trying to put an end to: Christ's church.
So even as I am dreading the drill and needle going into my hip tomorrow and the uncomfortable feeling I will have the next couple weeks I find joy in the idea that through all I am going through I can bring hope and life to others. And this is true life: Jesus Christ came from heaven, fully man and fully God, and gave his own life as the ransom for all who believe and follow him. We were separated from God because of our disobedience but because the debt was paid we can have life forever with our Creator and Father.
Update: my primary doctor treated me for migraines and I haven't had to deal with that the past week or so. I am thinking I was getting a little stressed which caused the headache to start.
Yesterday when I woke up from my sleep a little after 3 pm (give me a break, I work night shift) I had received an email from my nurse practitioner at Hopkins saying my doctor wants me there for another bone marrow biopsy Friday (tomorrow) because my platelets have fallen again, as well as my red blood count, while my white count has risen. *that isn't a great sign for somebody with chronic meyloid leukemia*
So as I thought back to a month ago when I had my first bone marrow biopsy and even over the last two and a half years of fighting this joker, emotions began to rise, tears started to fall.
It's annoying. I don't know why I have to be such a "unique case" (although I have always seemed to be different than those around me) but I hope that God is able to use me and my story to help some people find hope and life through whatever they are dealing with. I am waiting for healing in a way that the only explanation can be "God did it."
As I am trying to fall asleep (unsuccessfully) I am reminded of Paul in the New Testament: here is a guy who after encountering Jesus left behind his entire life's work in Judaism to follow the Savior. His entire life changed. He was suddenly different from what he used to be and different from his old friends. Through this shift and change, God used Paul to spread the Good News of Salvation to the world, and more specifically to those who had been told before that there was no way to be made right with God. He was able to share Life (salvation, Jesus) with many through his "unique case." He left his life's work to follow after the very thing he was so desperately trying to put an end to: Christ's church.
So even as I am dreading the drill and needle going into my hip tomorrow and the uncomfortable feeling I will have the next couple weeks I find joy in the idea that through all I am going through I can bring hope and life to others. And this is true life: Jesus Christ came from heaven, fully man and fully God, and gave his own life as the ransom for all who believe and follow him. We were separated from God because of our disobedience but because the debt was paid we can have life forever with our Creator and Father.
Update: my primary doctor treated me for migraines and I haven't had to deal with that the past week or so. I am thinking I was getting a little stressed which caused the headache to start.
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